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Trapped in a Tunnel -Part of my Life Story

Posted on February 26, 2007
Filed Under 'Chocolat' Articles, Your Health, Your Faith |

Life Stories

The Bible, Gods word is a collection of true life stories and letters since time began. These stories have an incredible impact on peoples hearts. We all have stories to tell, stories of how we found God and how He found us. Some of us have amazing stories how God rescued their lives and transformed them into something beautiful. Others have stories of deliverance from dry desert experiences. Stories are powerful; true stories from peoples lives have extra power and meaning because they are real!

Here is a segment of my life story

Trapped in a hole with no ladder!

My mind was tight, like a stretched out rubber band. I couldn’t focus on even the simplest task. The pile of clothes to be washed looked like Mt Everest ! And the worst part was that once I “washed the clothes, pegged the clothes and turned the clothes over”! There would be another Mt Everest to conquer the next day. It felt like it was never ending.

In fact every task felt like it was a rerun from the day before and in truth it was!. You see, I was mum to three small boys—very small boys. Nathan had just been born, it was the middle of winter and the year was 2001. Shaun and David were toddlers—only 3 and 2 years old and toilet training was in progress—or maybe not!

I had Post Natal Depression , the doctor explained that if he took a scan of my brain it would show a break in my neurotransmitters—the pathways in my brain were not connecting due to being overwhelmed with all the things I thought I had to do and be.

I felt like I was trapped in a deep dark hole and I couldn’t find a torch and I had a sinking feeling that there was no ladder!

How could a Christian get to this point? I felt incredibly guilty—was I not trusting God enough?

I came to a place where I couldn’t function. I needed someone to come in and take over. I knew it was serious but I couldn’t get it across to anybody. It wasn’t until a phone call with Karen (my sister) where she made the remark that I was incredibly negative. I knew that needed help but I didn’t know how anybody could help me– everyone has there own lives. Karen was concerned enough to alert mum to my plight and then the rescue mission commenced.

Support, prayer and medication were all part of the rescue mission. Noel, Mum, Christine Smith and God all helped to put me back on track. But God showed me that I had an ongoing “Maintenance Mission” and it was up to me. It had to do with my Heart and my Mind.

Maintenance Mission One

• Guard your Mind

I had to stop thinking!!! I had to give my mind a rest. I had to go through the filing cabinet in my mind and remove all the folders marked “How to be the perfect mum” ; “How to raise perfect children”; “How to keep a perfect home”. I had to chuck out all my unachievable standards and expectations. If I didn’t they would make it impossible for me to live.

This was far harder than it sounds. The expectations and standards I had created, had built up over many years and were ingrained in my mind. God was so good to me he took away those mountains of expectations in my mind and rallied support around me. The battle for the mind is very real. The Rescue Mission worked and God healed my mind. Over the past five years different wars have sprung up with my self-imposed standards. They are my “thorn in my side” that keeps me in my Heavenly Fathers arms.

I have learnt a lot about seasons. God works in seasons. Raising children is all about going through different seasons. From the season of potty training, the season of physically doing everything for your child to the season where they want to do everything themselves and don’t want to listen to you! The good thing about seasons is—they pass!. This leads onto Maintenance Mission Two.

Maintenance Mission Two

• Treasure your Heart

I have to make sure I enjoy each season as it passes. I certainly missed a lot of moments that could have been memorable when my boys were babies. I have many regrets, I was too worried about how to be a good mum and wife that it didn’t leave any time to enjoy my babies. I didn’t laugh enough and I certainly didn’t treasure my heart. God says “Treasure your heart because it is the wellspring of life” (Prov 4 v 23) I was becoming Rachel the Mum and Wife and I had lost who Rachel the Princess Daughter of God was. I had buried any dreams or desires I had into the corners of my heart and closed the door to enjoying life. I need to take time out in every activity to stop and treasure my heart by enjoying every moment.

This is also a constant battle as satans job is to steal and destroy our hearts. We must make every effort to treasure our hearts and allow the fullness of God to flood it with His Spirit.

A heart and mind at peace is worth more than Bill Gates millions or the title deed to a mansion. Its priceless and its only found in Jesus Christ.

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